The Return

Love Speaks to Us in Waking Dreams

“A waking dream brings an influence and makes a connection for that person with some outer event. Basically there is something supernatural taking place, or as we like to say in ECK, a spiritual intervention. It will affect or influence the behavior of the individual toward good, toward spiritual growth.”

-Harold Klemp, How the Inner Master Works, p. 153

A quick note to place this post in context. Eckankar (ECK) is the spiritual path of Light and Sound and Harold Klemp was the previous leader of Eckankar. This torch of leadership was recently passed to Sri Doug Kunin.

A waking dream can be an unusual event that grabs your attention and you know that a spiritual message is being communicated. Your attention is not an option. The dream can also be an everyday occurrence, something that gently blends in with the day but carries an important spiritual message. The dreamer, we are all dreamers whether asleep in the night or fully awake in the day, has this inexplicable sense of "knowingness" that "something" is happening. We play our part doing our best to see beyond the event - no, a cigar is not always just a cigar - by connecting the diamonds and getting to the meaning of the communication.

March was the month of a powerful waking dream for me. This waking dream was about a bilateral adenoviral eye infection that was diagnosed as epidemic keratoconjunctivitis (EKC). The human adenovirus is highly contagious and there is little treatment for it except to manage the inflammation and swelling of the conjunctiva with corticosteroids, cool compresses and rest.

The medical journey started in the ER, where I had my first CT scan, and continued with bi-weekly visits to the hospital where I met amazing ophthalmologists and learned much about the condition and how it affects the eyes. There was no way of knowing where the virus was contracted as it lives on surfaces up to 10 days after an infected person leaves the viral material behind. My immune system over-reacted, specifically my regulatory T-cells or Tregs for short, and twice I was told that it was unusual to see such a severe reaction to the virus. The bilateral infection with the redness, swelling and inflammation that required the removal of scar tissue and membranes, exudate, blurriness and sensitivity to light, lasted three weeks before resolution was in sight. Then, there was blepharitis and the continued sensitivity to light.

The entire trajectory of my experience, was intended to get my attention. It did. It was scary. I am robustly healthy and am usually the person who accompanies my eldercare person to the ER. To find myself the subject of the visit was unnerving, to say the least.

The infection created for scar tissue that must be removed from the eyes or it can contribute to vision problems. The irony of this situation was not lost to me. I suppose this is much like having the veil removed from one's eyes allowing one to see things more clearly. Spiritual truths are communicated to us through many avenues, even viral ones.

This was an unusual occurrence and I knew there was more to this EKC condition than meets the eye here , pardon the pun. EKC unscrambled was the ECK in action.

This was a reminder of how repetitive thoughts, the way we speak to ourselves, and the emotions behind these thoughts, fill the moulds in a Universe of plasticity - a highly responsive Universe - and plays out in health conditions. I was also reminded to not take anything for granted.

Since the passing of my beloved father in 2020, the pandemic, and subsequently slipping into the role of caregiver to a person suffering from alcoholism - while working full-time and continuing my degree work at Queen's University - there has been a sense of isolation, overwhelm and terror that was quietly managed, and heartbreak at finding myself in situations and working with people I never envisioned would be a circumstantial reality for me. Life has often felt like a forest of unending obstacles and barriers that I could not see my way through. I could not see the end.

This cycle that began January 20, 2020 has been about extremes in a controlled environment. My journals are rife with emotions of despair and loneliness alternating with hope and knowing there is a grand purpose and harmony behind this outer chaos. There is no one to talk to who truly, deeply knows what this feels like. Friends who have experienced the difficulties of giving care have moved on, having relinquished the burden with the passing of their loved one. This was a painful surprise for me but one I also understand. People come and go and while they express support, the experience is mine and none else can share in it. PSWs and members of the care team who visit see me as "the caregiver" but not the person, the vibrant and smart, ambitious woman who loves life and who still has dreams and purpose to fulfill. The desensitization, and what feels like minimization, hurts.

So, what did this waking dream experience teach me.

I was reminded that when our needs are clear the help we need is always at hand. We must still go through the experience but help is always at hand so long as we take the first step.

Once again, inner strength was at the centre of it all. We are stronger than we know -although honestly, there are times I would really like to lay down the load and bask in the peace and contentment of knowing that I am safe. My champion has my back. Yes, I know that I am in charge of that - having my own back and I take full responsibility for looking after me and yet, the sweetness of having a champion in my corner is a sweet thought. Sometimes, I just want someone to put their arms around me, to hold me and to whisper that everything will be alright.

If some of this seems disjointed it may be because there is much left unsaid and unwritten. Some things must remain private.

I know that we are where our attention is. The events of March brought me closer to home, my spiritual home, and my naturally philosophical and contemplative nature has grown and expanded to hold more. My eyes are firmly on the ECK as the EKC teacher marks this student's paper with an A+for lessons embraced and learned. I have returned to my purpose and as I am clearer on the "why" of each step forward I am grateful for the storm that was successfully weathered. I pray that the ECK will make a way through the forests that remain to be negotiated and that the focus will be on the blessings, of which there have been so many, and the diamonds scattered all around.

With so much love.